A Hope

10-11-2008

Someday seems so far away
The scar will be much bigger by then
The open wound will throb in pain
And your pile of salt still remain

Someday seems so far away
I try not to think of that day
But I long for it to come
Soon, I hope, I wait, I pray

Someday seems so far away
When I will think of not you but me
In every action I do, every cent I spend
Every breath I take, every chip I mend

Someday seems so far away
I hope that someday will come soon
Maybe hope is all I have to hold on
For now…

Smile

What is a smile
Just the thought of it makes me think
What creates it
What makes one smile
And then
There is more than 1 kind of smile

So which smile is yours
Which smile is mine
A smile is sometimes so abundant
Yet at times, that’s all you need

Smile for me
Smile for me
But will I smile
Will I smile for thee

I see that faint smile
Growing thin as time goes by
I sense it when I don’t belong
And I smile to cover all along

Smile when you’re happy
Smile when you’re sick
Smile when you’re sad
Smile when you cry
Smile when you live
Smile when you lie
Smile when you try
Smile when you burn
Smile when you sleep
Smile when you love
Smile when you want to…

Losing Faith

It’s 2 am in the morning and I sit here thinking… The weather has turned warm, comparing to the cold teeth-chattering moments I had few nights ago. It is not easy to forget nor it is easy to forgive. There are things you regret and there are things you learn to live with. But never have I ever felt more alone.

The things you thought you knew, the things you felt right, you dreamed about, are now out the window. Why? Just because… unpredictable, indescribable things happened. The more you scream, the more you lose your voice… and the more you try to explain, thousand lies and misunderstandings are born. Where else would you be… in times when no one cares, no one knows, no one understands. Your sorrows and your dilemmas – drown you in a pool of hopelessness. Yet, you try to swim to shore… and you’re actually dying while at it.

Leave me alone, you won’t… the things left unsaid are meant to be unsaid. ‘Cause despite everything that we’ve been through, nothing is in conclusion… nothing is as it seems. It tastes sweet, honey-coated, chocolate pudding… but as you start sinking your teeth into it, the sting becomes apparent… it just goes deeper and more bitter. I’d cry you a river, no I won’t… I’m crying to myself. You don’t even care. You don’t even ask why. What’s left to say… I’m already torn anyway. At the end of the day… the world keeps spinning, and I’m still breathing. Though hopes seem lost, and as I’m losing faith again and again… I’ll keep breathing… I’ll keep breathing…

Kept away in a shoe box that you won’t find

I’m more a girl, than a man

more hurt than loved,

more rain to love

than a sun above.

I feel my heart break

each time the truth is out

as for each truth, out a million lies.

I must learn to play the game

As the game likes to play me instead.

And I end up keeping all these feelings inside.

I did love the way your face felt against mine

Or how your lips tasted, softly tasting mine

But you’re a season that passes with time

And you do as seasons do,

they don’t stay.

I’ll never forget the day when we met

I fell for every one of your lies…

What it’s come to…

The clouds still remain above me, with the moon and the stars still intact in the midnight sky as I lie awake writing this. My heart is beating restlessly, my eyes are heavy and there seems to be a hammer inside my head, or a fire burning making me dizzy. My eyes aren’t exactly dry tonight… and I should really go to sleep.

Maybe it never did leave me, maybe I never did let it go, for it has come back to haunt me and it only just recently that I’ve come to realise that the feeling is still there, existent, that it has always been there at the back of my head. It took a lot of things to numb the feelings last year, and it worked, but this time, it has started to envelope me all over again. It really feels as though I’ve fallen again. Time has passed as emotions have… this distance between us… this absence… I got lost… I drowned in a sea of new fishes and a jungle of new animals but I’ve come to the other end and see things differently. What have I done… What have I been feeling all these times? Baby, I still miss you so and wish I could be there with you… I can’t believe that after all these times, all the years… it’s come to this. That I still want you… The thought of losing you is too much to bear… I’d give everything just to have you close again… to have you near… Oh darling, my heart’s seen much better days and times when it was spent with you. I still can’t believe what I’m feeling. It’s surreal but it’s so real that my eyes just give way to tears that have not fallen in months… I have not shed a tear like this since you left.

I dreamt of you again last night… after a long long while… and oh how I miss you. You came back to me in that dream… I won’t ever forget our times together… You’re so far away right now, I wonder what you’re up to. I watched you leave a year ago and I’m ready to leave with you… I know it’s crazy… but I guess my feelings don’t lie anymore…

I’ll try and make it to see you again… Patience…