What it’s come to…

The clouds still remain above me, with the moon and the stars still intact in the midnight sky as I lie awake writing this. My heart is beating restlessly, my eyes are heavy and there seems to be a hammer inside my head, or a fire burning making me dizzy. My eyes aren’t exactly dry tonight… and I should really go to sleep.

Maybe it never did leave me, maybe I never did let it go, for it has come back to haunt me and it only just recently that I’ve come to realise that the feeling is still there, existent, that it has always been there at the back of my head. It took a lot of things to numb the feelings last year, and it worked, but this time, it has started to envelope me all over again. It really feels as though I’ve fallen again. Time has passed as emotions have… this distance between us… this absence… I got lost… I drowned in a sea of new fishes and a jungle of new animals but I’ve come to the other end and see things differently. What have I done… What have I been feeling all these times? Baby, I still miss you so and wish I could be there with you… I can’t believe that after all these times, all the years… it’s come to this. That I still want you… The thought of losing you is too much to bear… I’d give everything just to have you close again… to have you near… Oh darling, my heart’s seen much better days and times when it was spent with you. I still can’t believe what I’m feeling. It’s surreal but it’s so real that my eyes just give way to tears that have not fallen in months… I have not shed a tear like this since you left.

I dreamt of you again last night… after a long long while… and oh how I miss you. You came back to me in that dream… I won’t ever forget our times together… You’re so far away right now, I wonder what you’re up to. I watched you leave a year ago and I’m ready to leave with you… I know it’s crazy… but I guess my feelings don’t lie anymore…

I’ll try and make it to see you again… Patience…

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~ by cendana on April 19, 2010.

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